desperate english teachers
01 April 2015
31 March 2015
Random thoughts upon waking up before two o'clock in the morning. Some people call it insomnia. I call it 10 o'clock in the morning in Istanbul. I call it the most honest moment of your life. Just like the house thing when you wake up at 48 or 58 and find yourself home alone/your children and husband all grown up and gone. Some people call that the mid-life crisis. I call it the empty nest crisis. I have a way with words. I did not go bankrupt getting English degrees for nothing. I have a youngish heart even though I'm old. Even though this year I've given into gravity. Picked up weight. Let my hair go natural. Been an okay grown up. Made myself into a believable mother of the bride. Mother-in-law. Senior English Teacher. Grand-mother. I had it coming. I've had a long run of absolute freedom to be me. Live this cowgirl life just riding the roads. Just letting the wind blow me where it would. I took notes. I took a few pics. I wrote it all down. I hope the books prove to be worlds someone can disappear into and love going where I went because where I went was really really beautiful. Now it would be time to go home. Go make a home, I should say. A home not like the homes of the past that would be nooses around my neck/weights at my feet. But soft beds and couches. Books lining walls and wine bottles just waiting to be cracked. Clean towels stacked up and extra toothbrushes for daughters and friends. Tables and porches for sitting nights having dinners either solo or with daughters and friends. A real leap of faith for me that getting a home won't trap me but house me, sustain, feed me and my family. Just random thoughts waking up before two o'clock and it's full-on morning in Istanbul. And you are here in the Delta sleeping cowgirl style in an empty studio apartment enjoying the delicious freedom that comes with a contract's end and your boxes by the door. And the money's just hit the bank and will keep hitting it straight through summer. And you can go anywhere your little heart desires. And start a new chapter. And place new lamps inside new windows to guide you all back home when y'all get tired of the road [written to lady antebellum + joy fm istanbul]
30 March 2015
Elle loves Steve. I saw it written in the sand on the beach yesterday. Everything else about the beach is best described in photos (note to self find bunny ears for Baby Baby + buy bunches of alstroemerias for Easter presents + really listen to John Coltrane) oh and note for you - stop doing things you don't want to do + have a happy Monday.
28 March 2015
One of the high points of this week was when my friend Debra pointed out to our friend William in front of me that I had picked up some weight.
Debra and William work as custodians and I work as an English teacher so we usually keep it at the Mr./Ms. level when speaking to and about each other.
The comment went like this
Mr. Bennett, Ms. Nobles has picked up some weight!!!
What I most love about it was that (A) I truly love Debra and William and (B) there's so much shade thrown between principals and teachers in high school settings that I so appreciate genuine dialogue - no - I should say I am dying for honest dialogue so it was all really funny to me and I shot back
you know what they say! it's just more to love on!
We had a big laugh.
Outside I asked a student waiting for her mother to snap me up.
Could I look more like Barbara Bush?!!
I cannot explain to you here all the different looks I've had during three years in Greenville. Or the ones before that
Post-Istanbul, in fact.
All I can tell you is:
I'm ready for summer.
I'm 30 pounds overweight.
Most days I'm a hot mess.
But I am really, really high on high school teaching.
This coming from somebody who never even wanted to teach high school and somebody who's spent the past 4 years just wanting to quit.
And what sticking with high school teaching when I wanted to quit has given me:
A real belief that children deserve to have great parents and great teachers.
And a truly madly deeply love affair with all the dark, messy troubled parts of the girl who once was me.
27 March 2015
One option here in the final weeks of living in Greenville would be for me to talk about my feelings about leaving Greenville. But I've already done that here. Here. And here. So I'm going to let Joan Didion talk about endings while I go out and photograph Greenville.
by now it's rainy & cold again so i'm plugging in wednesday when it was 80 degrees and most of greenville was downtown walking & biking the levee like summer was here to stay, and i'm just going to ignore the cold & rain until it goes away.