Friday, August 29, 2014

losing

 
Over the years we can grow some nasty habits inside our grownup selves. Mostly involving the unhealthy consumption of food and alcohol to kill the pain of loneliness. Things that ironically don't kill but just end up feeding the pain. I woke up well before daylight thinking about this. Maybe it's because I passed out cross wise of the bed sometime around 8 o'clock last night after - I'm almost embarrassed to tell you - slipping back into a nasty habit I developed when I was doing solitary at the barn. I stopped by the Chinese buffet because I didn't want to come back to where I was living and to eat by myself. Something that gained me a good friend but also put an extra 20 pounds on me that I can't seem to shake. You? What nasty grownup habits do you need to kick? Disgusted with my backsliding - I swore to myself sometime before daylight that I'm going to give up the Chinese buffet and not being at home in a place I love once and for all. And also the habit of devouring Netflix series like Orange Is The New Black because it's too dark and too twisted and even though I love my girls at Litchfield - they're not my real friends! I'm going to give up - too - the idea that it's okay to live single AND to live so alone. It's not!!! I went back to sleep and ended up in a dream of some Anthropologie shopping and a gorgeous outdoor cafe and some friends from Oxford and New Orleans and Chicago and two free Saints' tickets. How I was supporting myself in this dream and exactly where I living wasn't exactly clear to me - but here's the important thing - I was with my true friends. And when the youngish waiter who was serving blackberry and walnut and feta salads served them in shot glasses - I got up and went into the kitchen and got some McCarty bowls and started plating the salads myself and said - I can do better than this (spoiler alert ... dinner party coming up next week)

Thursday, August 28, 2014

feeling good


This morning I woke up with a Nina Simone playing inside my head.  The first time I heard her singing Feeling Good I was feeling pretty horrible. I'm not talking about the random bad day we sometimes experience. I'm talking a deep down misery that's been tamped down inside you for decades

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

turkish kahve & cigarettes


I've been waking up mornings wanting Turkish coffee and cigarettes for breakfast. I'm not really a smoker - so I'm trying to figure out exactly what this means. I'm satisfying the longing for drinking coffee with others mornings by waking up this morning before daylight and driving to my local coffee shop before work. On the way - I passed by my friend Schoolcraft's beloved church and took 30 seconds to snap a pic of it to text to him. This resulted in my friend Joni opening up her coffee shop 1-hour early to let me in #30secondsoflove Thanks Joni for letting me in! Love you. Maybe this
longing is attached to starting back to school and a new reality I'm trying to create for myself and others who teach high school. I've never felt so valued as a teacher as I did that first semester in Istanbul when I was in the capable of hands of Turkish department chairs and heads. Because I'm into the first 10 minutes of my work day here in the Mississippi Delta - and not sitting inside the teacher's smoking garden/cafe in Istanbul talking with my friends before we start the teaching day - I'll be brief and come back later this evening to post some more pics. But here's my question: how nice would it be if we could elevate the status of the American high school teacher? I'm not sure about you - but I'm more than ready for a change in the way high school teachers live and are seen.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

orange is the new black


Last night while my new roommate who is a first year Teach for America teacher was hard at work doing things for her students - I was hard at work devouring the last of Orange Is The New Black Season 1. To be completely fair - I'm starting my 19th year of teaching. I've survived the sheer hell of the past two years of mid-career burnout. Of forgetting all the things about teaching that no longer work.

Monday, August 25, 2014

powdered donut cake & mimosas


There are a lot of happy yet heavy things I could tell you this morning about how it feels to have both your daughters suddenly decide to get married 28 days apart. Let's be honest! A part of me would love - now that I seem done (well almost) with my wild-ing it out days - if they would just move back in with me and we could be one big happy family. But wait.

Friday, August 22, 2014

wtf is wrong with you?


It's been a long time - what with all the weddings and Lollapalooza and school starting back - that I've taken the time to talk here about a problem in the world.

Friday, August 15, 2014

mary ann is getting married


In just a few moments I'm going to throw things into my truck and head out of the Delta to Jackson to the airport to pick up my daughters' other sister Lexi at which time wedding weekend mania will officially begin. Included in the things I'll be throwing into my truck are: Two Mother of the Bride dresses